On being afraid.

Fear is an integral part of life, it teaches us what to do and what not to do. But sometimes, it overcompensates and can become crippling. I think everyone has at least experienced this on one occasion or another. For example, that huge presentation that accounted for a large portion of your grade, you may have had all the preparation in the world, but the fear that you wouldn't do well fills you with overwhelming anxiety, which led to a subpar presentation, ultimately leading to a less than satisfactory grade. When you hold something so importantly, even the littlest of doubts can cripple you with overwhelming anxiety.

In my opinion, humans only really fear one thing, and that is loss. Every phobia in the book is really base on the loss of something. Acrophobia, the fear of heights, what makes it scary is the potential to lose your life, same with arachnophobia. Even agoraphobia, the fear of crowded places, and claustrophobia, the fear of tiny spaces, its not the physical phenomena that is scary, but the fear of losing oneself in the midst of it all.

For me, i have come to realise that the older i get, the more afraid i am. When you're young and ignorant, nothing really phases you because you have yet to learn the value of the important things in life, so it doesn't really mean much when you experience a loss. But as you grow older, the things you hold dear to you increases as well as the things you place importance in and thus have more to lose. Once you experience the grief that comes with the loss of something important, that's when fear kicks into overdrive and overcompensates in preparation for the next time and that's when fear becomes crippling.

So, you may ask, how do i stop being afraid? Well the answer is quite simple really, just don't hold anything dear. If you have nothing to lose, you have nothing to fear, right? Adopt a nihilist mindset and everything will be fine. Haha. Jokes aside, i don't think that there is any solution to this, honestly. The most we can do is try not to let that anxiety swallow us whole, but that's also easier said than done. Well, knowing is half the battle right?

On being indifferent.

Hi, netizens. So how has 2015 been treating everyone? I hope things have been going well for everyone.

So on to today's topic, being indifferent. Throughout my short life so far on this earth, I've been told by people around me, on numerous occasions, that I just don't care enough about things or that I come off very aloof at first. Well, all of that, i have to say, is true. That's not to say that i'm completely void of emotion, i still do care about things that i think are of value and will warm up to people (no matter how eventually) if we were to ever be friends.

Okay, so me being, for the most part, indifferent. The thing is, people have to understand that, things don't mean as much as they seem to. What i mean is, the things you think matter, only do, because you imbued it with the power to matter. We make the thing matter when, in most circumstances, it doesn't. I, had just not given things the power to matter as much as they do to others. When you start doing this, you'll realise that you'll have less cognitive clutter, by which i mean anxiety and worry, in addition to seeing things for what they really are.

For example, how many of you are scared of doing badly or even failing a test/exam? I'm sure many of you are. But anyone who has gotten a bad grade/failed will tell you that in hindsight, the bad grade/failure didn't really matter. I'm not telling you not to try, or do badly just cos it didn't really matter, what i'm saying is if you concentrate too much on the possibility that you might fail, it only hinders your ability to do well, giving you test/exam anxiety which studies have proven actually does affect your test/exam scores (google it).

That's all for now, so to conclude this post, stop giving so many fucks as the internet would say.

-Rachel

P.S. yes i know i've been gone for a really long time --not that anyone cares-- but i'll try to post more often, no promises though.

Sometimes Quitting Is The Best Thing You Can Do

Happy Belated New Year People of the internet! :)

WHOOP! My first post of the year! And what better way to start the New Year, than to talk about quitting? Well aren't I off to a good start. Okay so all jokes aside, i want to seriously talk about quitting. I know quitting has severe negative connotations but i wanna change that today. But just to preface this, QUITTING =/= GIVING UP. Quitting simply means abandoning the path you're on to take another path to get to the same goal. So with this in mind, i'll get on with the post.

So when is it time to quit something, you [didnt] ask? It's when the cost of staying outweighs both the benefit of staying and cost of quitting; cost of staying > benefit of staying + cost of quitting. Don't get it?
Here's an example: the cost of holding your bowels, when you really need to go, in public instead of just going at a public restroom. The cost of holding your shit in: a lot discomfort, anxiety/fear(from not wanting to shit your pants), may lead to constipation; the benefit from holding your shit in: nothing; cost of going to a public restroom: it may be dirty causing mild discomfort or anxiety of you're a germaphobe. So by doing the math: a lot discomfort, anxiety/fear(from not wanting to shit your pants), may lead to constipation (4 things) > nothing  + it may be dirty causing mild discomfort or anxiety of you're a germaphobe (2 things). Therefore, in this scenario, you'd quit being stubborn and just go to the public restroom.

Those of you who have taken a class in microeconomics before would know that this is a concept called rational decision making.

That said, what am i quitting? I'm quitting school; specifically, Junior College (JC), and i'm transferring to a Polytechnic. Yes people, I have officially quit school, but fret not, i've already gotten a place in the Polytechnic. I guess i didn't think it through last year when i was deliberating between these two options. Side-note: who thought it was a good idea to let 16-year-olds choose their roads when they don't know snap about the fuck they want. Anyway, i digress, JC is just not the right path for me; the cost of staying far outweigh the benefit of staying and the cost of quitting. Going to school was so taxing on me physically and mentally; i started to become extremely cynical and nihilistic, because i hated whatever i was studying which led to a lack of motivation to put in any sort of effort into my studies, leading to extremely dismal grades. Thank god for the amazing class i landed in and my tutors, if not i'd probably be angry all the time. But since i retained this year, none of that applies anymore.

So, the cost of staying: taxing physically and mentally, hating life and school, anxiety, anger, motivation; benefit of staying: friends, money; cost of quitting: social pressure, time. Doing the math; taxing physically and mentally, hating life and school, anxiety, anger, motivation (7 things) > friends, money + social pressure, time (4 things). Hence, the rational thing for me to do was quit, and so i did, after much contemplation.

However, quitting by no means was an easy decision, even after pseudo-mathematically calculating it. It's easy to feel like staying is more advantageous because of all the time and effort you spent on that certain thing and quitting feels like a waste. Even so, it's not like you can get the time and effort you spent back, and since it also never did any good, why not switch? Don't get me wrong, i've learned a lot in JC, but I've learnt all i could learn there (maybe i'll do a separate post on that), and it was the best decision for me, given these circumstance, to quit. Thus, sometimes quitting is really the best thing you can do.

You've made it till' the end of this wordy post, congratulations! I hope everybody is doing well as always, and stay healthy!

-Rachel

Listening Recommendations

Hello internet! I hope everyone is doing well.

Today's post will be a casual one; no deep meaning or anything. Since i'm a deeply auditory person and i like to go on walks alone (sounds pathetic but it's actually quite therapeutic), i need things to listen to if not i'll get really irritated by the surrounding noise; so just thought i'd share some audio things i'm enjoying currently.

Podcasts: I recently just got into podcasts so there aren't many, but here are some i enjoy.

1. Hello Internet Podcast

This podcast is a subjective one. It's two guys talking mostly about tech-y (nothing professional), internet-y things as well as plane crashes, current events and life-isms amongst other things. What makes this so subjective is that if you know of/like the people whom are making this podcast, the possibility of you liking this will be higher. But i still do recommend giving this one a try, although it may not be everyone's cup of tea.

2. The Cracked Podcast

I think the most adequate description for this pod cast is "things you never knew you wanted to know about". Topics include pop-culture, human behaviour and anything within this vein. It is a very enjoyable listen and is recommended for everyone.

3. Freakonomics Radio

Their description of exploring "the hidden side of everything" and "teaching us to think a bit more creatively, rationally, and productively" sums up this podcast the best. It is definitely one of the most interesting listens on this list and is really enlightening most of the time. Topics of this podcast is rather diverse but are mostly about decision making and current issues in society and culture. So if any of these things interest you, give this a listen.

4. Radio Lab

This is a podcast where "science meets culture" and each episode is (and i quote) "an investigation -- a patchwork of people, sounds, stories and experiences"; exploring everything from current affairs, ecology, physics, biology, ecology, chemistry, human behaviour and almost anything you can think of there is an episode on. This is personally my favourite one to listen to because i find this kinda stuff really interesting.

Music: This is mostly just what i'm currently listening to, mostly J-music. For this section, I'll list a few artists and my favourite songs from them right now.

1. ONE OK ROCK

Genre: J-Music, Alternative rock, Rock, Pop punk.

Recommended for those who liked Paramore's Riot! and Brand New Eyes albums, Hey Monday and anything similar. Also most of their songs include some semblance/if not a lot of English (it's quite good don't worry), and can i just add that the lead singer sounds bloody awesome.

Songs: some of my favourites include from 

Beam of Light (2008) Album

"Koubou"

Niche Syndrome (2010) Album

"Kanzen Kankaku Dreamer"

"Jibun Rock"

Answer is Near (2011) EP

"Answer is Near"

The Beginning (2012) Single

"The Beginning"; Theme Song for the 1st Rurouni Kenshin movie

"Ketsuraku Automation"; Current Favourite

"Notes'n'Words"

2. the GazettE

Genre: J-Music, Alternative metal, Alternative rock, Nu metal.

Recommended for people who like Avenged Sevenfold-ish kinda music but different. Their sound is kind of a power metal-ish mixed with alternative rock in addition to sounding dark? That's the best way i can describe it. They are a Visual Kei band so fair warning if you ever check out any of their MVs. 

Songs: some of my favourites are from 

Dim (2009) Album

"Guren"

Toxic (2011) Album

"Red"

"Shiver"

"Vortex"

Division (2012) Album

"Ibitsu"

"Derangement"

Beautiful Deformity (2013) Album"

"UNTIL IT BURNS OUT"

"Fadeless"

3. Pentatonix

Genre: Acapella

Recommended for anyone who liked the Pitch Perfect movie.

S/N: I've linked all the MVs of the songs because some are not in the albums.

Songs: 

"Daft Punk" - Pentatonix Vol. II

"La La Latch" - Pentatonix Vol. III

"Happy"

Bonus: One of songs from these artistes;

Daft Punk - Doin' It Right (ft. Panda Bear)

Yui - Again; Full Metal Alchemist OP

Florence + The Machine - Shake It Out

Maroon 5 - Makes Me Wonder

Lorde - Team

Congratulations! You've made it till' the end. Hope you will check some of these out. I know this had been a long post, so i'll end of here, thanks for reading.

-Rachel

I judge people; label me what you will.

Greetings to whoever may be reading this! 

So being my first actual blog-type post, i thought i'd start with something that everyone deals with on a daily basis; Judgement. I confess that I do judge people a lot, like extensively. Okay, before you make assumptions, i'm not judging you based on outer-appearance only, i'm judging you more on your behaviour and actions, just want to get that out of the way. I don't think judging people is a bad thing all the time, but you cannot base your whole idea of that person on that one time you judged them.

The reason I judge people is to know what is the most appropriate behaviour if I ever were to interact with that person. It helps me categorise you into subsets of social archetypes so I don't accidentally offend you. You'd be surprise at what you're able to know from just looking at someone for a minute. From the way someone dresses to the way they behave and to the way they talk, gives you quite a bit of insight as to where are they in life. Also, other than all of these social reasons, it is just fun. It hones one's observational skills, it helps you notice the small details about the person and fleshes them out more completely. This is why I sometimes people watch. Not to sound creepy or anything but it really does train one's observational and analytical skill.

But no matter how observant you are, all your judgements are still subjected to change upon interaction. Your judgements do not define the person you are judging, it only gives you a gist of what they are all about. It is definitely not definite!

Just to end off, I hereby absolve you from all the guilt you feel when judging someone, unless you base your entire impression of the person based on it. And for all you people who claim that you never judge, YOU ARE ALL LIARS! Studies have shown that you have already filed them into different categories, the split second you meet someone, which is technically judging.

S/N: I'll be posting more of these blog-y posts, more so than poems or things like that, but once in a while, when i feel inspired i'll probably go back to writing them.

-Rachel.